Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.