im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets