I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
