i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
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with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
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Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.