The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two oâ€™clock in the morning on St. Patrickâ€™s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.