I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.