Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
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The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
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I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.