I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
