Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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