i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
