I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You took a bar mat shot.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
