i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
