I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
