Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
