I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
sex in a hospital.. check
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
