After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She's the barista slut.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
