Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
