i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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