If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
