Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
