Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
