She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
