he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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