I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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