How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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