I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
