went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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