I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
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Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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