oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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