don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
