dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
