Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
