why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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