how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
