North Korea, Best Korea!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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