The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
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we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
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I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.