Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?