I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
