Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.