She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
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I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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