I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
