Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
