Dignity is for republicans.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
