I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
