went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
