he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
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Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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