I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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