he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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