I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
