Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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