Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
