hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just high enough for therapy.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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