thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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