Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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