DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
