Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
