The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
