We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
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I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
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and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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