smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
