Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
