I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
