fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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