Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
