I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
