After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
