I can text with my tongue
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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