this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
