this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
nutella sex= disaster
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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