I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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