So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
