so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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