operation harelip BJ is a go
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
