She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
